Friday, September 08, 2006

up to you.

the thing about being the eldest in the family...
is that you get a whole lot of unpredictable behaviour from your parents.
you get confused half the time
because you don't really know what they want from you.

they start out experimenting with you.
from the moment you were born.
sure... there more photos of you as a baby, compared to your siblings..
but most of those photos are of you in embarrassing situations...
ie: bathing. naked. diaper change. bald.
so really, it's no biggie.

being your parents' guinea pig,
you got the most teruk punishments
they do the test run with you
then with your siblings, they tone it down...
maybe even decide do away with the punishment.

it doesnt stop there.
they wanna make sure the first born doesn't screw up in life.
so, they make all the major decisions.
yes. they control every major thing in your life.
what to eat.
what to wear.
what schools to go to.
what stream to choose.
what subjects to take.
what ECAs to take.
what courses to take.
what attachment company to choose.

with the siblings,
"oh, you wanna take floorball, hockey and track? ok... can..."
"oh, you wanna go climb gunung datuk? ok... can..."
do they put in that much effort into making the decisions for them?
noooo.
they pretty much let them do whatever they want.

so you grow up being the child that obeys.
the child that never says no.
the child that never gets to make decisions.
the child that's mostly... invisible?

because you're the eldest.
they'll pay more attention to the younger ones.
why?
coz the eldest doesn't need that much attention.
it's the younger ones that they have lesser control of.
then it's the younger ones that get on their nerves.
the eldest rarely creates problems.
because the decisions are already made.
the eldest has it easy.
just obey.
right?

so now.
i'm at a point where i feel i need to make a major decision.
i brought it up at dinner.
"should i apply for the teaching award?"
then i explained.
the pros. the cons.
the dateline.
basically a whole speech about my dilemma.
engineer? or teacher?

and then...
the reply was a simple,"up to you..."
then without pause, dad launched into a story
about how a guy from work asked him where to get DOVE chocolates...

hello!
hello!
i'm here. with a problem. a decision-making kind!
where's the controlling behaviour?
where's the just-listen-to-what-baba-say speech?

what's even more disturbing is that
my problem seemed miniscule compared to my dad's expertise on choc-shopping...

so after dinner, i put the pamphlet in their room,
hoping they'll take a look and read.
nope.
mum came in and placed the pamphlet on my table.
then left my room.

yeah, ok. maybe they're finally letting me make my own decisions.
but seriously, "up to you?"
that's all?

*rolls eyes*

sigh.
ok.
i still have til jan to think about this.

in other news...

french girl and french guy are no longer together.
at least that's what i think.
i don't see french girl anymore.
french guy turns up for structures on his own.

german guy may not be german.

Fan's adding colourful smileys to my notes.

Dr Spot's approved my styrofoam method of creating cavities for FYP.

I'll be going to SIAEC for my propulsion day-excursion during the term break.
(yes, we still have excursions. fun kan?)

i wore the completely-leaf-green tudung to school today.

and i felt pretty. :)

Friday, September 08, 2006

up to you.

8:51 PM

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